THE GUILT IS EATING AWAY AT HIM – 20/10/10.

Last night in Emmerdale Aaron turned up on his own to see Jackson he sat beside his boyfriend’s bed & tried to make smaall talk, not his strongest point. When Jackson asked about his dad Aaron was evasive, not wanting to tell Jackson that his dad was being a coward, again. Aaron told Jackson that he knew how Jerry [boo hiss] had reacted to his coming-out & he intimated that if he had known, he would have acted differently.


   

Jackson chided him for not doing a good job of cheering him up & they both smiled. Jackson asked if his dad was going to be coming back & Aaron lied, saying that he didn’t know. He knows, we all know Jerry [boo hiss] is a yellow-bellied coward, who runs away from anything he doesn’t like & punches anything he doesn’t understand. If I’m coming across as being less than his biggest fan, it’s because I hate the bastard.

Aaron asked Jackson what he should tell the fan club, back in the village, because everyone even Cain had been asking after him. Jackson joked about being in Bar West on Saturday night. When Aaron told him that he was serious, Jackson replied that he wasn’t going to stay in hospital for ever. Aaron asked if he was getting an invite or was Jackson out on the pull, but his joke sank like a lead balloon.
He drew a deep breathe & began to talk about all the ifs which he felt, made the whole thing his fault. Saying that none of this would have happened if it wasn’t for him. Jackson stopped Aaron & said that it was his own fault for trying to answer the phone. A shocked Aaron asked if Jackson remembered all of it, because he was afraid tell him in case it made things worse. Jackson pointed out that things really couldn’t be worse. Aaron, tearful again, apologised, again. Jackson told him that it was not his fault.


Aaron choked back his tears & told Jackson that he, not Aaron had turned out to be the tough one after all, for dealing with this. Jackson replied "Yer, am dead ‘ard me." That made them both smile.
Aaron told Jackson that he & Hazel would get him through this, that whatever Jackson needed, Aaron would do it for him. Jackson told him to just keep coming to the hospital. Aaron promised that he would.
In The Woolie Rhona’s stalking of Paddy was carrying on apace, but he was, unbelievably & amusingly, oblivious of it. In his defence, I think that he is more concerned about Aaron’s love life at the moment.

Back at Smithy Cottage Paddy was dishing up a take away for himself & Aaron, but Aaron was more interested in getting plastered. Paddy warned him that a hang over would only make things worse, but Aaron was convinced that nothing could make things any worse thgan they already were.
Aaron started to ponder on the actual facts of Jackson’s paralysis. He was fascinated by the whole concept of not being able to feel anything at all. I cannot help but think that that level of numbness, has to have a certain amount of appeal to a boy scared stiff of his emotions.
Then he started again with all the ifs of that night. Paddy asked him if that was how Jackson felt, but Aaron told him that Jackson had been nice to him, really nice to him. This obviously puzzled Aaron greatly.
Paddy told him, again that he had to stop thinking that this was all his fault, but Aaron was on a guilt trip roll. Through yet more tears, he said that he owed Jackson big time.
Paddy went into forceful mode, slamming his fork down on the table. With emphatic hand gestures, he told Aaron to stop punishing himself, because this was not his fault, if it was Paddy would be the first one to tell him so.
Aaron ignored him again & said that Jackson didn’t deserve this, Paddy replied him that neither did he, but Aaron still wasn’t listening. Aaron said that all he wanted to do was make things better for Jackson, but he couldn’t, as there was nothing anyone could do.
Oh my god, with this much misery, Emmerdale could give EastEnders a run for their money !                             

Pictures by kind permission of Dangling Hearts.

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About An Elephant's Child

Like the elephant's child I am filled with insatiable curiousity. I REALLY AM THE PERSON YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT.
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