THE HALLOWE’EN RULESThese are MY rules about who does & who doesn’t get a treat on Hallowe’en: 1) If you are not wearing a costume you get – nothing. 2) If you are not wearing an HALLOWE’EN costume, you get – nothing. Don’t be knocking on my door dressed like a fairy or a cowboy & if you’re claiming to be the ghost of a cowboy I want to see bullet holes, stab wounds, at least put a rope around your neck! 3) If you are wearing a bought costume, you get – an apple. Well if you aren’t going to take it seriously, then neither am I! I would honestly rather see a little girl with a binbag around her shoulders & a tin can lantern, than a kid in a perfect, but imagination free, bought costume. 4) The more inventive your costume is the more sweeties you will get, there could even be money if it is really funny! A few years ago a lad of about 12 knocked on my door wearing a flat cap, overalls, a donkey jacket & boots, all obviously borrowed from his dad. When I asked him what he was meant to be, he turned around to reaveal a bloody knife sticking out of his back & said “I’m the working man stabbed in the back by New Labour!”
He got money, sweeties & a hug! 5) There is no age limit on trick or treating. If you are only escorting your kids you can still join in. Go on, dress up – there are sweeties here for you too! 6) If you don’t like my rules – tough! If you think that you can scare me with threats – bring it on! They don’t call me the old bitch around here for nothing!! Surly teenages who knock on my door sans costume or lantern, putting their hand out with nothing more than a grunt, WILL get the door slammed in their faces. Last but not least – yes there IS a fucking apostrophe in Hallowe’en!