One of  the first things I noticed about social media were the kisses. My god, I thought, these people are very affectionate, kissy-kissy every bloody sentence!
As a hard-faced Northerner I’m really not used to this sort of thing!
Of course I soon realised that most of this ‘affection’ was really nothing more than an affectation. I have no idea why some people feel the need to add a million kisses to the end of their every sentence.
You may think that it makes you seem loving & caring, but in reality most of the time it has totally the opposite effect
Personally I have a very strict code when it comes to written kisses & I thought I’d share it with you. You might find it useful.
              X   =  What I’ve typed may sound bitchy or sarcastic, but it was meant with genuine affection.
         X X  =  What I’ve typed is heartfelt & sincerely meant.
     X X X  =  These are literal kisses. If I was there beside you in the real world I would actually be kissing you.
     More than 3 kisses = If I ever type more than 3 kisses this obviously means that I am besotted with you. If I was there beside you in real life I would be ripping off your clothes with my teeth & ravishing you mercilessly over the kitchen table.
Or I’m just taking the piss 😉


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A couple of days ago Andrew Mitchell, he of pleb & gate-gate, took to Twitter. He was ranting at the world in general & David Cameron in particular.
Okay, so it wasn’t really Andrew Mitchell.
It was just a spoof account, as was admitted the next day.
Unfortunately not only did he admit to not being the real Andrew Mitchell, he also deleted all his ranty tweets.

How The Account Looked The Next Day.

 Luckily for you I sceengrabbed most of the tweets from the night before & I present them hear for your delictation.
I like to think that what was tweeted were the things Andrew Mitchell would like to say, if he wasn’t a typically spineless Tory twat.
As always with Twitter, they read from the bottom up.
Enjoy 😀
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It’s that last awkward week of the school holidays which really is a killer.
The kids are bored, you’re bored & you’ve both run out of things to do.
Everybody is getting on everybody else’s nerves.
It’s probably still raining too.
Well before you look into adoption, the white slave trade, or start Googling ‘cage prices’,try this:

The Stretchy Snake Game.

1)   Buy some gummy/jelly snakes.
2)   Download this chart.
3)   Print it.
[If you don’t have a printer, you could just bring the full picture up on the screen, but don’t blame me if you end up with a sticky monitor.]
4)   Stick the picture onto something solid like a piece of card.
It would probably be a good idea to laminate it, or cover it with some clear sticky back plastic. [I so could have been a Blue Peter presenter]
5)   Hold the tail of the snake on the starting line with your thumb, use you other thumb & index finger the pull the snake’s head as far up the chart as you can.
Simple but fun 😀
Your kids [& let’s be honest, you too] can now have hours of fun seeing who’s snake will stretch the furthest, without breaking.
Trust me, it’s an enormous amount of fun & at the end of the game you get to eat your snakes!
There aren’t many edible toys on the market.
I think this is a bit of an oversight really.
Have fun & play nice kiddies 🙂
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R.I.P. Angharad Rees

 Long Before There Was Ross & Racheal; There Was Ross & Demelza…..

 Angharad Rees    16 July 1949 – 21 July 2012

Here we go again, another chunk of my youth snatched away by bloody cancer.
Angharad Rees was one of my first crushes.
I first really noticed her when she co-starred with Robin Ellis in the 1970s TV serialisation of Winston Graham’s Poldark books. As the street urchin Demelza taken in by Ross Poldark she had an umistakable, if understated, sexuality that many people found irresistable. As a hormone drenched teenager I really feel for her.
The whole programme was incredibly sexy. It was a story of unrequited loves, set on the wild cornish coast in the 18th century. It was rife with sexual imgery; stormy skies, waves crashing on the shore, galloping horses, smugglers, pirates & some damned sexy period clothes too. I’m not alone it having fond memories of this series. Not long ago it was voted as one of the ten best British series ever broadcast.
Ross loved Elizabeth, but while he was fighting in the American colonies Elizabeth married Ross’s unpleasant cousin Francis, even though she still loved Ross.
Having at first taken her in as a severvant, Ross married Demelza, mainly to spite all the upperclass ‘friends’ who had snubbed him. She adored him from the start & slowly he came to realise that he loved her too.
She was so sweet, innocent & unfetted by the petty social conventions of the day that she was a breath of fresh air in his life. How could he not have fallen for her?
It was a beautiful & intrigueing love story that captured the hearts of many viewers. A lot of women fell for the brooding ‘heathcliffesque’ Ross & Robin Ellis became quite a sex symbol. Personally I was rather put off him by the fact that in a fit of rage on realising that Elizabeth had betrayed him, he raped her [totally glossed over & rapidly forgotten], but Demelza stole my heart.
Angharad Rees was a very beautiful woman, but more than that she was a wonderful actress who managed to portray a character that could easily have been seen as nothing more than a foolish doormat of a woman, with dignity & simple charm.

Rest In Peace Angharad Rees 😥
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I recently read an interesting blog about tattoos & the way people are judged for having them, especially pertaining to where the tattoo is place on their body.
It reminded me of this picture which I’ve had hanging around the computer for a long time. Just thought I’d share it with you.
 I have a tattoo [ooh get me]. It is a capital A, which is going to have a red circle around it, if I ever get around to having it finished. I’ve only had it for 34 years, so no rush then 🙂
It is on my left shoulder blade, which puts it at the edge of the ‘socially acceptable rebellious tattoo’ zone, the ‘high chance of dragon’s wings or equivalent lameness’ zone & the ‘I’ll cost taxes due to being in prison’ zone.
Not sure what that says about me though :-\
I’m thinking of getting a new tattoo, when the budget allows. I was comtemplating having my avatar on my ankle, or the one at the bottom of this post, on the small of my back.
According to this tattoo map, that makes me  either a ‘cute little princess’ or someone who’ll drop their draws for a pint/bicardi breezer!
I can assure you that neither description suits me at all!
No really they don’t!!
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Brian Hibbard  26th November 1946 – 18th June 2012.

Not only a wonderful singer in The Flying Pickets, but also a fine actor. He had great comic timing in Pan Fi Duw [Why Me God].
Another victim of prostate cancer – seriously men, check your balls, this is curable, if it’s treated in time.

Rest In Peace.

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RIP Victor Spinetti.

The Mad Jaffa Cake Eater Is Dead !

Victor Spinetti  2nd September 1929 – 18th June 2012.

Victor Spinetti died of prostate cancer yesterday.
He was a very funny, charming & popular actor. He always had a humorous annecdote to hand, so I’d like to share my favourite one with you.
In 1965 Mr Spinetti won a Tony award for his role of  an obnoxious Drill Sergeant  in Oh What A Lovely War!.
He hadn’t expected to win & didn’t have a speech prepared, so when he reached the podium he said:
“Thank you very much for this award. With your indulgence, I should like to deliver my acceptence speech in my native tongue of Welsh.”
He then proceeded to deliver a 10 minute passionate speech, which recieved a standing ovation from the audience.
Victor Spinetti never learned a word of Welsh in his life!
His speech consisted entirely of Welsh sounding gibberish 🙂
He was a very, very funny man.

Rest In Peace Mr Spinetti.


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MY HOPPY x x x

Rest In Peace Amanda x x x


When Will I learn To Stop Crying Because She’s Gone & Learn To Smile Because She Was Here?

Amanda, Hops, Hoppy @no_left_feet & @one_right_foot [jail account] died on the 13th May 2012.
If you weren’t following her on Twitter then you missed out on one of the loveliest, funniest, kindest, sexist, heroes it has ever been my pleasure to have met.
You may be one of those cynics who believe that online friends aren’t ‘real’ friends. I used to be one of those, but I was wrong.
I’ve had closer relationships with some of my Twitter friends than with many of my ‘real life’ friends.
Amanda was one of them.
This might give you some idea of how loved she was & much she will be missed.

Fifteen hours later…..

I’ve read most of the other tributes & I’ve tried to write one myself, but it’s hard to type with tears streaming down you face. [stop it!]
This is my 5th attempt & I’m already having to fight back the tears.
The worst part of this selfpity-fest that I’m on, is the certain knowledge that this isn’t what she would have wanted. Amanda was always so brave [don’t call her brave ffs!].
She was so full of life & fun, she never once moaned in this ‘pity me’ pathetic way.
She was dying ffs & she still came on twitter to cheer US up & make US feel better!!
She also made everyone feel so special.
She used to call me “My Ellie” & I was hers – totally.
We used to pretend we were having an affair – “Warm the bed for me hun, I’ll be up in a miute” 😉
She was straight & very happily married, but she loved playing a part & when she did play a part, she throw herself into it 100%
I’m sure some followers believed we actually were a couple – I have to admit that I wish we were.
I really did love her.
I still do love her.
I miss her so much 😦
She was one of two people on my TL who could ALWAYS make me smile no matter how down I was & now that I need someone to do that more than anything; she isn’t there.
It is just killing me to know that she’s never going to *jiggle her boobs* for me again 😥
I’m sorry that I’m letting you down like this Hops, but I just can’t. I’m not as strong as you.
The hardest thing to cope with is that I’m so angry with her.
I’m angry that she’s dead, but more than that I’m angry that she didn’t tell me that she knew she was dying.
You knew me babe, you knew me better than anyone on here. When I tried to hide, you knew straight away that it was me. You should have known I AM an elephant’s child – I NEED to know.
The truth is EVERYTHING to me.
I can cope with anything, if I know the truth.
You see, I knew that you probably wouldn’t survive.
When you told me what kind of cancer it was, I looked it up.
I saw how lucky you were to be alive.
I saw that the higher up the body the tumor was the lower the chances of survival.
I knew that you were probably going to die this time, but I wasn’t sure that you knew.
And here is my confession – when you told me that the cancer was back & where it was …. I started avoiding you.
I didn’t want to put my foot in it [she’d have laughed at that] by saying the wrong thing. I didn’t want to upset you.
That’s how big an idiot I’ve been.
That’s because I’m not as strong as you babe 😥
I’m so very sorry darling 😥 
Try again.
Amanda was …….. I give up.
If you didn’t know her I’m not witty enough to explain what she was like & if you did know her then I don’t need to. She was a one off. She was Hops! ……¯\(ツ)/¯
p.s.    If anyone favourited, bookmarked or RTed any of the film Hops, Tradd, Madd Dadd & I made, very late at night on the 4th September 2011, please let me know.
I lost it all when the computer got infected  😦 & I’d really like to read those tweets again.
That night was the night I realise what a durty mare Hops could be – it was the night I fell in love with her 😉
*sneaks up behind you & snaps your bra strap* … *hops away giggling* : o )  xXx                                       
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What We Should Be Told.

Why isn’t this on the news?

An interesting piece I found on the net the other day  8 Tiny Things That Stopped Suicides
In reference to number 2 on this list:
There is a well known place on The White Cliffs Of Dover where people frequently go to kill themselves. I won’t name it because you probably already know where I’m talking about & if you don’t; it really doesn’t need the publicity.  
Everyday there are volunteers with flasks of tea, walking along that cliff top, who will stop & talk to anyone that looks like they might be thinking of killing themselves.
I know this because they stopped to talk to me early one spring morning.
As it happens I was only there to admire the view, which is beautiful by the way, but they were very nice & gave me a cup of tea anyway.
No lecture, no crap about god or how lucky I am & how grateful I should be. Just a friendly ear & a cup of tea.
One of them told me that he always has several clean hankies too.
There should be more stuff like this on the news, then people would see that the world isn’t as bad as we’re lead to believe & maybe less of them would be trying to kill themselves.

Originally written & saved on 23rd August 20011 – I forgot to post it then & no I’m still not suicidal. Depressed & unhappy, but not sucidal

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Here We Go Again.

Yet again a website has felt the need to make pointless changes which annoy it’s users.
Like all the other sites, Twitter has changed several times over the years. Mostly minor changes, probably promted by user complaints/suggestions.
This time though they have radically changed the layout & the way Twitter functions.
To be frank it has fucked up Twitter for me & many others. I’m not even sure if I want to bother withn it any more. This is why:
1) The timeline is on the wrong side of the page.
It might seem like a petty complaint, but it interfers with the way I use Twitter.
Contrary to some people beliefs, I don’t hover over my timeline 24/7. I’m usually doing other stuff while I have Twitter on ‘in the background’ as it were. Which means I shrink the window to the width of my TL & have it down the left side of the screen, while I get on with my other stuff [none of your business!] on the rest of the screen.
If something like an interesting convo, pic or video catches my eye I expand the window to full size & flip that tweet out to the side for a full view. When I’ve finised I shink it back again & my TL is back where it belongs.
Now every time I shrink the window back down I have to reajust it because the TL is on the wrong size. It’s very annoying.
2) I can’t flip tweets out to one side anymore.
If I wanted to watch a video I could flip it out to the right, but carry on scrolling through my TL while it played. Now if I click on it, it appears IN my TL & therefore I have to stop scrolling. Which means catching up on what I’ve missed while I was away from Twitter [sleeping etc] takes much, much longer. Again this is very annoying.
3) My TL isn’t a constant stream anymore.
It is more like a series of tweets loosely held together with an inadequate amount of  prit-stick.
There seems to be more ‘function buttons’ on them too & they move around it the tweet is opened up. I have to be very careful where I click or they all become detached.
This again makes catching up a long & fairly tedious process.
4) Direct Messages!
OMG! What have they done to my DMs?
The only way to acess them appears to be as a drop-down menu, hovering over my tweets. Do they not realise what DMs are used for? [Oh don’t look at me like that! If you know what I mean then you really have no right to pull that face :-P]
It is seriously un-nerving to have them hovering over the tweets like that, I mean what if one of your followers were to look up & see what you’d just written?! [Taking Twitter to literally you say?]
Plus it means that I can’t tweet while I DM. Well that takes half the fun out of it! [again with the disapproving face – get over yourself!]
The only way to avoid this is to open another tab & have my DMs on there. Well my stoneage computer isn’t keen on having lots of windows open, it tends to s-l-o-o-o-ow down even more than usual if I do that & as I’ve already pointed out, I’m doing other things while I tweet.
Worst of all is that DM don’t seem to work properly.
The don’t atomatically refresh. I have to switch them off after I send one & click back on to read the reply. Sometimes when I open them again I find that my tweets disapeared. Which all kind of spoils the flow :-\
Perversly they seem to be well nigh impossible to delete! And sometimes you really need to delete your DMs 😉
In the interest of balance I will admit that there is one thing I like about New-New Twitter. They have returned to putting the actual time on the tweets instead of the more vague ‘1 hour ago’ or just the date. I like that.
As for the rest – you can stick it where the sun don’t shine! [facebook?]

Originally written on 14th February 2012 & forgotten about.

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